5.14.2011

Creation - [kree-ey-shuhn]



“Some people, in order to discover God, read books. But there is a great book: the very appearance of created things. Look above you! Look below you! Read it. God, whom you want to discover, never wrote that book with ink. Instead He set before your eyes the things that He had made. Can you ask for a louder voice than that?”

— St. Augustine (354-430)

A Proposal to Consider

Divorce is an epidemic in our country. I would dare to say, every family has been affected by this ever increasing epidemic in one way or another. In my own life three of my immediate aunts and uncles have divorced. I can recall listening to 89 year old, grandfatherly Bill Anacker stating thoughtfully that of all the families he knew across the country only the family of his own wife had none of the adult siblings divorced. In other words, in almost every family he could think of there had been at least one divorce. It is estimated that roughly 40 – 50% of current marriages will end in divorce before one of the partners die (Popnoe and Whitehead). With each remarriage the likelihood of divorce increases substantially. Divorce is a problem in our society.

Divorce hasn’t always been so prevalent in past generations. The percentage of divorce was four times lower in 1960 than it was in 2000 (Popnoe and Whitehead). Marriage was traditionally upheld as a sacred relationship before God, man and society in which both persons committed to each other for the purpose of procreation and child rearing. It was a commitment assumed to last until “death did them part”. Furthermore, rarely did couples marry for love alone. Stephanie Coonz, author of numerous books on marriage and family in America, pointed this out in her article “The Radical Idea of Marrying for Love”, “Only rarely in history was love seen as the main reason for getting married” (Coonz). Unlike today, love was generally not perceived as a pre-requisite for entering marriage. Rather, it was understood that married persons would grow in love for one another. Because marriage was held so highly, it was considered a great shame and disgrace to even speak of divorce. Compare that to current times in which even in religious sects the divorce rate is as high as those without religious affiliation (Barna Group). Not only is divorce not a taboo for the non-religious but also the religious.

G.K Chesterton pointed out, “Just as we should not accept a system that drives men to drown and shoot themselves, we should not accept a system that produces so many divorces. We must insist that divorce is a failure and that it would be much better for us to find the cause and cure rather than allow divorce to complete its destructive effect” (Ahlquist 141). It is obvious that divorce is a problem and that it has not always been such a widespread problem. The greater question is how to reverse the trends, or find the “cause and cure” as Chesterton argued. No issue in society will have an easy or simple fix to it, but there are things that we can do to help reverse the trends. If we are pro-active rather than passive about the problems of divorce we, the people of the society, can reverse the negative trends of divorce in this country.

A wise man once said, “If we travel the same road as everyone else we will end at the same destination”. If we plant the same seeds we will have the same fruit. If our views, habits and attitudes toward divorce, marriage and love are the same as everyone else, we will have the same probability of divorce. I propose that in order to reverse the trends of divorce we must begin with our families. Furthermore, I propose that if parents would teach their children the principle of waiting to date until they are ready for the commitment of marriage it would help decrease the probability of divorce for their children – the next generation.

I can recall a rhyme that my classmates taught me in 1st grade. It went like this, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.” The carriage can't go before the marriage. The cart can't go before the horse. There are many ways to say this. Things only work when they are done in the proper order. Every farmer knows that if he plants his garden too early in the spring the frost will come and kill his young plants. There is a proper order set out in nature for planting. Likewise there is a proper order set out in the marriage relationship. Also without following that specific order there will be consequences. The modern dating method often brings the intimacy before the commitment - the carriage before the marriage.

Think about what our system looks like. A young man notices a young girl who attracts him. He asks her out on a date, and she agrees. If neither one likes the other, then they both have had a bad experience. If they initially “hit it off” and continue the relationship, then the eventual temptation to become intimate is strong. Then one of the “sweethearts” is interested in staying together but the other has a change of heart, the feelings go away, and he wants out of the relationship. An endless supply of emotional snarls and complications come with a break-up of the “lovers”. The young man notices another young lady who interests him. And the cycle continues. “The modern dating system does not train young people to form a relationship. It trains them to form a series of relationships, and further trains them to harden themselves to the break-up of all but the current one” (Bailey). Old habits are difficult to break. What happens after this man finally settles down and marries? What happens when he wakes up and realizes he doesn't have the feeling that he did for his wife? He must not be in love, he reasons, or he must have married the wrong person. Then he wants out, just like he did with every other relationship. It has been said that dating is preparation for divorce. This is said because of the habit of break-up that occurs through the modern dating system.

It could also be noted that the modern dating system's purpose is for pleasure and entertainment. There is no end to dating, no underlining purpose. This hasn't always been the purpose of dating. In times past, persons only became romantically involved when they had the intent of marriage as an end. They waited to become romantic when they could have the commitment. Parents need to teach these principles to their children.

I believe with the teaching of good principles in regards to dating, love and marriage, parents could help decrease the likelihood of divorce for their children. Specifically, the teaching the principle of waiting to date until one is ready for commitment.

(I wrote this for a assignment in English class. Didn't make a very good grade on it but thought I'ld share anyhow...)