10.15.2012

Journey of a Soul in the Realm of Grace...

Here I sit, in the second floor kitchen of my dorm trying to study for tomorrow's exam. Katie is accompanying me with all her books sprawled about the table as she searches for primary resources for a report. There is a steady hum coming from the old heater along with the sounds of bluegrass music from Katie's laptop. A night autumn breeze is flowing through the cracked window. It's already 12:30 at night or in the morning - depending on ones perspective. As I try to study my mind keeps backtracking to a delightful thought I had today while at the general student recital in Gray Auditorium.

It was one of those moments, I was once again awed at life and the ways of the Lifegiver. It was one of those thoughts I couldn't not share (Right two negatives create a positive).  Let me try to paint this picture with words that so clearly today gave me a glimpse of God's sovereignty. This recital had about twenty students all preforming one piece from their private music lessons. Some had vocal pieces, while others were pianists, organists or a musician of another instrument. Between each piece, a student, James, came out to adjust the prestigious grand piano in the center of the stage for the next performer either lifting the giant lid or laying it back down. About midpoint during the recital, a beaming young Filipino student came out to preform a piano piece. He had a vibe of excitement about him that caused him to stand tall with pride and confidence in his hardly five feet stature. With an enthusiastic grin, he began playing an energetic tune.

As I am a friend of many international students, I began to think it odd how this student choose music as his major (an assumption of mine from seeing this student only in music related activities). A music major may seem a "waste" to some. My college is unique in that all students are given a full scholarship for all four years of tuition upon acceptance. Furthermore, only thirty international students are accepted each to receive admittance to my school. Most international students here choose a major like economics or business (boring I know). I wondered about this student, "What caused him to pursue the study of music rather than a study that would lead to "good" career options?"

This is when I realize that as people we are like this young man. We are all given a beautiful, precious gift of life. This gift is like the full scholarship for school we receive here at Berea College. Beyond this I realized that this journey as a Christian in the realm of grace received through Jesus Christ is like being one of thirty students around the world who receive this scholarship. Then I had another realization, that we are given a marvelous opportunity to be stewards of not only life but life in the realm of grace.

I saw a picture of God's sovereignty being like a student choosing his concentration of study. I began to see that God gives us options, choices, freedom to decide just how to use the life He gives. I saw that we don't have to be forced into dreary economics or business because it's a "good" career option but that we are allowed to pursue passions, like this student's passion of music. I began to see that God uses those decisions we make about vocation to bring about His will even if it be something "fun, desirable". We aren't forced in receiving the gift of life to use it in dreary, boring ways but can and should use the gift in a manner that produces joy, and fulfillment.

This does not mean that all of life will be a breeze just because we find freedom in God's gift. I'm sure this student had to put in much time, commitment and concentration to find the freedom of playing music. I'm certain that there were days his hands ached from playing, or he became frustrated from challenging new pieces, but as he doubled over for a thorough bow I saw that to him it was all worth it.

I too realize, as I bow before my Lifegiver, that as stressful as it can be at times God in His sovereignty has given me the ability and duty of choosing how to spend the gift of life. I am confident that with a heart in line with the things of God, He can use whatever vocation to further His kingdom be it music or economics. This is something, I am grateful for because I'd rather be in the study of music rather than dreadful economics...

10.02.2012

It's a Good Day to be Alive

This morning when praying with Hannah in the dorm, she laughed at me.
 "What's funny?" I asked.
"It's just that you say that every morning. It reminds me of when I was in fourth grade and my teacher would say, 'It's Friday so you all need to be quiet." Then on Monday she would say, ' Children it's Monday so you NEED to be quiet."

I loved Hannah's laugh as she finished her little analogy comparing my daily comment, "It's a good day to be alive." It's true... I guess. As I thought about it... Everyday I do say, "Its a good day to be alive."

College life is a whirl. It's a beaut, a treasure, a dream of sorts. What I mean is everyday is a gift that comes and goes being replaced by another. But more than that I realize, sometimes just for an instance, that this opportunity is a blessing from my Heavenly Father. Why I've been 'so blessed'? I have no idea, no comprehension. However I do know this - It's a good day to be alive.

Let me try to explain. I'm studying Elementary Education, or rather how to be a teacher. It's an ambition that is growing within me. I've come to see it as the 'best' vocation to study. Others seems to disagree with an odd sort of smile when I mention that. All the same, this semester I've been taking four excellent classes - all of which teach me how to teach. One class has to do with teaching mathematics. Another with focuses on literature, another on curriculum... Then on top of that I get to discover new things of interest. Through choir and private voice lessons I am being shown the wonder of music. Through Danish gymnastics and Frisbee, I am being taught the joy and challenge of being outside my comfort zone and working with others to learn a challenging thing. I mean, "I am the girl who struggles to do a cartwheel and now you want me to do a back flip?" Through work, I get the joy of learning an old art - broom making. Who makes brooms these days? (And it used arm muscles I don't have ...) Through morning prayer, CRU bible study, and random conversations I am blessed with Christian fellowship. Oh, and did I mention, classroom observation at the local elementary school or drumming with the African-Latin percussion ensemble?

Now I don't mean to gloat; my point in writing this is deeper than that (I hope). Yes, I do feel blessed and rightly so. The truth is that I have been. But what is interesting to me is: "Why am I not everyday awed at God's provisions?" And further still, "Would I in different circumstances see God's goodness and provision?"

Many a day I state, "It's a good day to be alive" out of habit. However, I on the inside am stressed about the 40 page admission portfolio I am writing for my education program, or complaining about the fact that I'm still single, or worried about voice lessons because I didn't practice more than twice that week, or feeling lonely because college friendships are not like a family's. Why do I not everyday recognize the blessing God has bestowed rather than focus on the little petty circumstances of life that my self-center, fallible nature wants to change.

I was writing a friend who is living in difficult circumstances and feeling a little on the guilty side about writing about how awesome college life is when it struck me - No matter the circumstances, my nature will complain and focus on the negative unless my heart is focused on the Lord my God. Scriptures say, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9). My heart is deceitful and will complain even in the midst of immense blessing.
The truth is without Jesus my heart would and does become calloused with the lies of materialism, education, and my own goals and career..."For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them." (Matthew 13:15)

I desire to allow Jesus to heal my calloused, dull heart and blind eyes when I go through a day without recognizing His presence, blessing, provisions and promises. That is why I must exercise the exhortation, "Finally, brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Philippians 4:8.

With a mind thinking on what is good and true, then I will see...

Then I have another question. Would I be able to praise my Heavenly Father when the circumstances are not good? Could I like Elizabeth Elliot who was widowed at as a young mother say, "The secret is not me in a different set of circumstances but Christ in me." Could I have that confidence in Christ's goodness?

Could I like Corrie TenBoom say, "Often I have heard people say, "How good God is! We prayed that it would not rain for our church picnic, and look at the lovely weather!" Yes, God is good when He sends good weather. But God was also good when He allowed my sister, Betsie, to starve to death before my eyes in a German concentration camp. I remember one occasion when I was very discouraged there. Everything around us was dark, and there was darkness in my heart. I remember telling Betsie that I thought God had forgotten us. "No, Corrie," said Betsie, "He has not forgotten us. Remember His Word: "For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him." Corrie concludes, "There is an ocean of God's love available - there is plenty for everyone. May God grant you never to doubt that victorious love - whatever the circumstances." ?

I am challenged to live each day in the blessed assurance of God's goodness no matter the circumstances. Would you join me in saying, "It's a good day to be alive because the Lord is good!"


 

5.20.2012

Transformation


Transformation
Roaring waters swirl and engulf my home.
Once an array of distinct colors
Formed an uplifting
Rainbow of promise.
A whirlwind struck at night
Destroying all order
Creating a conglomeration of mud -
Thick, pasty, tasteless mud.

I am brought down to sense
The minuteness of mankind.
For God formed Adam from dust
And Eve from Adam's rib.
Yet, God made man in His Image.
We are called to glorify His Name.

Open the shades which close us in darkness.
Let the Son shine within;
Let him mold us with His gentle hands;
Let Him breathe color into our souls.

Turning our gaze outward
We will see a multitude of rainbows
Surmounting the surrounding clouds.

As soon as we open our hearts to our Creator,
He shines His Light upon our souls,
Transforming slimy worms
Scurrying through depths of mud
to
Fragile butterflies fluttering
Among meadows of wildflowers
Scattered upon rugged mountain slopes.

by Julie St. John l987

Do you love me?

"As long as I keep running about asking: "Do you love me? Do you really love me?" I give all power to the voices of the world and put myself in bondage because the world is filled with "ifs." The world says: "Yes, I love you if  you are good-looking , intelligent, and wealthy. I love you if you have a good education, a good job, and good connections. I love you if you produce much, sell much, and buy much." There are endless "ifs" hidden in the world's love. These "ifs" enslave me, since it is impossible to respond adequately to all of them. The world's love is and always will be conditional. As long as I keep looking for my true self in the world -- trying, failing, and trying again. It is a world that fosters addictions because what it offers cannot satisfy the deepest craving of my heart"
~Henri Nouwen in The Return of the Prodigal Son