“My soul makes its boast in the
Lord; let the humble hear and be glad!” The words of the psalmist David, in
Psalm 34, are written with purple marker on a large cream-colored paper taped
onto my dorm wall along with drawings children have gifted me with; maps of places that are dear to my heart; and
last semester’s crazy schedule. Here again, with a little time at the opening
of Spring semester ‘13 on my hands, I am thinking and praising God for the
blessings of the past year and the one that is before us.
Writing is a beautiful and
meaningful way I’ve found to articulate what I’ve been learning, wrestle with
ideas, share these joys, (hopefully) encourage others and praise our Heavenly
Father. The words of David, “My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the
humble hear and be glad” ring true what joys I desire to share through the
miracle of words. This reminds me of the words of a young 4th grade
girl in one conversation, “You know two things that amaze me Anna? First that
in just those few letters, the letters of the alphabet, people write all the
books in the world. All those big books …” My young friend’s eyes sparked with
the wonder of language and how we can communicate through 26 simple letters many
deep, meaningful thoughts. Here in this moment, I want with words to revel in
the joy found in our Lord.
Where to start is the question in
my mind. The past three weeks have probably been the most restful, refreshing and
encouraging I’ve had in a couple years. I over extended myself in the previous
semester and become quiet exhausted toward the close of the semester. I learned
that it is not wise to commit almost every waking moment between 7 AM through
10 PM to various activities, no matter how ‘good’ the opportunity might be.
This being partly because God calls
us to still ourselves before Himself daily. Daily. In doing this, He does calls
us to listen, act and often change our first plan of action. He might want us
to stop and talk with a burdened soul. He might have us to give a hug, or
smile. He might call us to take a friend to the store or on a trip. He might
have us stay up into the wee hours of the morning to share with a friend. However
that change of plan might be it will require of us to listen and obey. The only
way, I’ve found to do be able to listen and act is in being still before Him
daily. Daily! Furthermore it is rather hard, I’ve learned, to be flexible for God when every waking
hour to committed to earthly activities.
This brings
to mind a quote from C.S. Lewis a friend posted on facebook that remained with
me through the course of the past few months. The quote goes, “There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love
anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you
want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not
even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries;
avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your
selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will
change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable,
irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy,
is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe
from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” (C.S.
Lewis, The Four Loves). I think this idea of what it takes to love can
be tied right into stilling oneself before God. I found that when I was
committing every moment to seemingly ‘good’ activities, I was, in fact, ‘carefully
wrapping it (my heart) round with hobbies and little luxuries’. I with good intentions of ‘learning new
things’, ‘being adventurous’, ‘stepping outside my comfort zone’, ‘seizing the
million little opportunities my school offers’ was rejecting the call of my
Savior to love Him first and foremost, and secondly to love my neighbor, my
brother and my friend. I was doing this through becoming so tied down to
things, even good things, that I did not have time to still my soul, and to be
flexible for others that is needed in loving anyone.
Think
about it. Love requires flexibility. Imagine if your father, made plans to go watch
his favorite football team playing in a local stadium, however right before he
leaves to this game, he receives a phone call that you have been in a terrible
auto accident and are at the hospital. Out of love, any father would certainly
change his previous plans to go attend to the needs of his daughter. We would
think it foreign and outrageous if a father would even think to do otherwise.
However I find it ironic that in my own life how often I will stick to my own
plans when someone I love needs otherwise. For example, just the other day I
had made plans to go shooting with a friend. I was really very excited since
this is a rare opportunity and something I don’t really know how to do, yet. It
was going to be a learning experience and a fun one at that. However, I had to
take my grandmother to town to get her dentures fixed. This outing took most of
the day, I came back ready to go shooting. Mama, on the other hand, was looking
forward to spending time with me before I had to go back to college. It was actually
my last day home. At that moment, I had to make a decision of whether to do
what I wanted or what my mom wanted because I loved her.
Similarly,
how often are we, as Christians, called to stop what we want to do, and even
planned to do, to spend time with, and in the presence of Him? We say, “We love
God above all else”, but does our investments show that? How often do we take
time for Him? Is it daily? This is where I am challenged and chided. Honestly,
I would like to think I daily spend time, invested and stilled before, this God
I’ve committed my life. The question is – “But Do I?” Does my life reflect the flexibility
needed in truly loving God and my neighbor? Or does it show the signs of
protecting itself and loving myself? As Lewis worded so cleverly, “The
alternative to ‘tragedy’ (loving), or at least to the risk of ‘tragedy’, is
damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from
all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”
As
ironic and contrary to my own self-centered nature as it may be, I want to be
overcome by this ‘tragedy’ of loving and being known for loving. I desire above
all else to love, first God and secondly my neighbor, without reserve and
without self-fish motivations. Furthermore, I believe that a place for myself
to start is through stilling myself daily before God and being flexible in the
little things, so as to be freed to share this love that only comes from Jesus
Christ. St. Augustine of Hippo is known for praying, “Our hearts are restless
until they rest in You.” Join me and allow yourself to find the rest, love and
quiet in that time invested in our Lord.
"For thus saith the Lord GOD, the Holy One of
Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence
shall be your strength: and ye would not."--Isaiah 30:15
