Oh, the astounding, inexplicable mysteries life holds...Life full of twists, turns, adventure, trials, laughter, awe, heartache, joy and enigmas... As Elizabeth Elliot wrote in her book, Keep a Quiet Heart, "Some things are simply too wonderful for explanation - the navigational system of the Arctic tern, for example. How does it find its way over twelve thousand miles of ocean from its nesting grounds in the Arctic to its wintering grounds in the Antarctic! Ornithologists have conducted all sorts of tests without finding the answer. Instinct is the best they can offer- no explanation at all, merely a way of saying that they really have no idea. A Laysan albatross was once released 3,200 miles from its nest in the Midway Islands. It was back home in ten days. The Migration of birds is a thing too wonderful."
Similarly, I see the mystery of life and how it unfolds as a 'thing simply too wonderful for explanation'. David in one of his prayers to our Lord wrote, "Lord, my heart in not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I don't concern myself with matters too great or too awesome for me to grasp. Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself, like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother's milk. Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me." (Psalm 131) That is a rather absurd way for a modern person to describe the state of their soul - like a weaned child... ha ha, but its true, we don't always understand the riddles that life presents but we know the One who does. This One not only understands it, but created it, loves it and is the sovereign ruler of life. So my duty as a human that wants to serve God with her whole being is too be calmed and quieted in the bosom of the Savior. 'May it suffice me, as it sufficed Mary, to know that God knows. So if it's time to work, may I get on with my job. If it's time to go to bed, may I sleep in peace and let the Lord of the Universe do the worrying (paraphrase of E. Elliot).'
I hope this makes a little sense. Life isn't a total mystery though in Deuteronomy when Isreal is being called to return to the Lord they are told, "This command (to turn to the Lord) I am giving you is not too difficult for you to understand, and it is not beyond your reach. It is not kept in heaven, so distant that you must ask, "Who will go up to heaven and bring it down so we can hear it and obey?...No, the message is very close at hand; it is on your lips and in your heart so that you can obey it (30:11-14)." God gives what we need for today...
So let me repeat, "May it suffice me, as it sufficed Mary, to know that God knows." I must rest in my Savior. I must keep my heart quiet in my Savior. I must. So must you.
It's been awhile since, I've written anything about myself personally. This past year has most been one of the most difficult, challenging but blessed years of my life. Sounds kind of like a paradox. Let's see where I should start...
Well, I'm once again surrounded by homework, I am sitting in a prestigious looking, brick dorm built in 1887 on the beautiful campus of 1600 college students nestled in the hills of Kentucky. This dorm is my new home for the next three years. The journey which brought me to this place was interesting.
Community college ended up being the most difficult things I've ever done... Every preconceived idea of what college would be like was crushed. If I could do things over again, I would change a lot of things I did. But, the past is the past and cannot be 'redone'... reflecting I see many, many hard lessons learned that would not have been otherwise. Startling facts about myself where staring me in the face such as how what an unutterable self-fish person I am and how easily my heart can be swayed...basically, I was so all wrapped up in myself to the point of being depressed. Anyhow, Easter was kinda a break through for me when I realized that the secret to contentment is 'Christ in me not me in a different set of circumstances'. I had to, as is a daily journey, learn to embrace surrender and serve others.
Anyhow, at the end of my second semester of my freshmen year of school, I had no desire to set-foot-in-school again, but I was accepted to another college an hour and a half from my home with a $27,000 scholarship. A blessing wearing a disguise at the time. Also, in the early spring I was pursuing the possibility of nannying for a missionary family in Isreal. I had heard about a program which connects ladies willing to help a missionary family to a family who would appreciate extra help with their family. Anyhow, I began to feel that this pursuit was more my excitment for adventure then God's will... So I prayed, "If you want me to go to Isreal let it work out if not I'll stay home." It fell through and I thought, "Ok, God, what is this about?" Intentionally, I thought I might know why (but that was definitely ended up not being why). So, I moved back home. Actually, moved into the cabin on my parents property with Grandma. I began my summer working at a children's home in the area I had worked at before...at the home, I worked with the handicap and cared for them each day along with other women. And I love my job! In early, June God brought my family a new sister, Esther. This young lady was kicked out of her home and needed a place to live... So Esther moved in with us... and I realized why God had me stay in Kentucky. It was a very blessed, full and challenging summer. And there where so many experiences and things I learned that I cannot share here... Thus life continues, summer ended all to quickly and I did set my feet back in school...both feet, I made the decision and the dive and am here. This school is much different from the last and I have nothing to complain about... maybe I shall share about this experience soon.
Well, I hope something of these ramblings can be meaningful to you. The Lord is good and his mercy endures forever. Never forget that :)
